


Just Two People With Feelings

by erbine99



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbine99/pseuds/erbine99
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Delphine's thoughts on Cosima, from pre-series to right after Entangled Bank.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Two People With Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Cophine fic, sort of a rambling Delphine's thoughts thing that came to me after rewatching all the Cophine bits of Orphan Black. I hope you guys like...

You know her first as 324b21. Not a person, or even a copy of a person, just a sting of numbers and a letter, and a folder full of data. You see her EEGs, her blood work tells you of her fondness for marijuana, and eventually, when your clearance level is upgraded, you learn her location, Minneapolis, Minnesota.   
When Aldous assigns you as her monitor, it takes you some time to reconcile the very human Cosima Niehaus and the numbers. Nothing about her is numerical. She’s everything, all at once, in the most unquantifiable of ways. From the start you’re sure she knows who you are – once you swear you hear her say the “monitor” word into her phone. But she doesn’t seem to hate you for it. She looks at you with that adoring smile of hers, and you can’t understand it. All you can do is smile back, almost reflexively.   
The puzzle falls into place when she kisses you that first time. You knew she was gay. You have the privilege of knowing much more about her than you have any right to. But when she kisses you and you want to lose yourself in those lips, shed the lies and half-truths and tell her everything, that’s when you push her away. That’s when you think maybe you’ve been looking at her like she looks at you.  
That’s new. If there was a file on you (and somewhere in the back of your mind you know there must be, that DYAD must be watching you in almost the same way you watch Cosima), “likes girls” would not be in it. But perhaps “likes Cosima Niehaus” should be. And even though this is new and strange, you know that there is nothing wrong with that. You know that sexuality functions on a spectrum and very few people are 100% heterosexual or 100% homosexual, but the problem here is that if you are Cosima-sexual it could cause you to jeopardize everything.   
And then Aldous tells you to dig deeper, faster. And is it betraying her if you’re trying to help her? To keep her safe? The falsehood of all this reeks. Those little moments where you can tell the truth, in those you feel like singing. When you tell her you can’t stop thinking about the kiss, it’s true. You wish that one truth could burn away all the lies, that it could make up for the way you are using her.   
When you kiss her, for just one moment everything seems right in the world. She’s not in danger, you’re not lying to a wonderful passionate woman whose smiles are full of sunshine. You are just two people who feel something, and it is wonderful. Uncertain, clumsy and fumbling on your side, but full of a kind of wanting you did not know existed. After it is over, you cry, because you are no longer just two people. She is the clone you are assigned to monitor. She leaves, kind and thoughtful, to get you ice cream. And you rip her trust to shreds.   
You would give almost anything to be just two people. Just two people with feelings.


End file.
